All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
