We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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