why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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