Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
