i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
