A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
