He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize