Can i not drive my cunt home
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
