chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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