wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
