I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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