I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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