I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
