hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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