I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
