HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
