why didn't you poke me back
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
