they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
