I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize