How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
