my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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