I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize