There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
