New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
