I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
