and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
