Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick