Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?