I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.