she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES