I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.