She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My ATM looks so different sober.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
