I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
