Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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