Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i already hear my dad disowning me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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