U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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