Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
