OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
