SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
vagina is talking i cant
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
