I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
