One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
