To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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