we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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