My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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