O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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