did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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