i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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