She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
