I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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