I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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