thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
