You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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