i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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