U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
