There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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