WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
