The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
