I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
