OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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