Pappa wants mamma naked
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
