In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
