You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
