I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
